Sherrie's Journey

Closed.

2008-01-22T02:28:00.000-05:00

This blog is no longer in service.
Thank you.

1 Month Update

2008-01-17T05:02:00.000-05:00

Update!

Beeps Came.
Beeps Gone.
Echos Came.
Echos Gone.
Opera Came.
Opera is now!
The world is full of Opera music, yet no one is singing the Opera!

I have sounds. I can not hear.

I am currently being rehabilitated.

While it is a major improvement, I had NO SOUNDS for 15 years,
it is a very challenging and frustrating journey! VERY FRUSTRATING!!

And BTW, this is NOTHING like hearing aids! Not even close! Google it.

Rehab and Mapping is the ongoing thing right now. Can take up to an year. We will see.

Of course.......when I hear, I will let the world know! :)

Beeps

2007-12-15T13:41:00.000-05:00

Okay, let me apologize for not posting sooner. I'm sorry.

I've been overwhelmed with the beeps since activation.
I'm okay. It's just too loud right now. I get tired easily too.
I've succumbed to taking naps which is something I do not like doing.

Everything I hear is in a beep sound, but let me explain this a bit further okay?

What am I hearing?
I'm calling it "beeps".
It's actually an assortment of beeps, bells, chimes, clinking, and ring sounds.
No speech. No clear sounds.
It all sounds very loud and very noisy!

What exactly are the beeps?
The beeps that I'm getting are actually "signals" being transmitted to the brain.
This is a very good thing! It means the brain is getting the signals. WOW!

Why beeps?
The reason I'm not hearing sounds and voices yet, is because the brain isn't processing it yet.
That takes time. That is where the "could take up to 7 days to hear from time of activation" part comes in play.

Now what?
I am waiting for the beeps to be interpreted by the brain.
That is when the beeps will subside.
Voices and Sounds should be heard.

For now?
Each week, I go in to see Mary. She does my "mapping". This is like programming my processor for the next level. As the brain absorbs one program of beeps, I move up to the next program to get more beeps. Eventually the brain will absorb enough to start processing.

I should then be able to hear AND be able to discriminate sounds and voices.
NOW I'm getting excited. When that time comes, you will know. I will post immediately!
Meanwhile, if you have any questions, please ask me. I will answer here so that others can learn as well.

I do want to take a moment and tell everyone how much I appreciate the warm wishes, emails, blog comments, cards, thoughts and all of the prayers. Thank you.

For now, brain is woozy. Poop. Gotta take another nap. Bye.

12.13.07 HHI

2007-12-14T23:29:00.000-05:00

12Noon

Arrived to see Mary for activation.

This visit was video recorded. I really feel that this speaks louder than any words I can type.

Due to YouTube guidelines, I had to break the 13 minute video down to 3 separate parts.

To get the full understanding of what happened, let me suggest that you have sound turned on and pay close attention. Oh, and I am not sure, but you might want a tissue nearby just in case.....i dont know.

Sit back and I hope you enjoy!

without further ado, let the show begin.

Act 1

Act 2

Act 3

Whew, I'm tired now. Going to bed. G'nite.

12.13.07 Dr. Mark.

2007-12-13T18:37:00.000-05:00

I was up and out early. Ready to go.

First to Dr. Mark's office.

9am
Arrived at Dr. Mark's, he removed the stitches, checked over my ear and all.
Everything looked GREAT!
He gave me the thumbs up. I can now move forward with activation.

Dr. Mark and Robin were such a joy to work with!
I got a picture of them too before leaving! YAY.

Now we move on to the activation place! That's another blog entry.

How am I?

2007-12-09T21:22:00.000-05:00

I'm asked, how are you feeling.......are you excited?

I don't know what I feel. I know I'm not excited.
But I really can't explain my feelings right now.
Maybe because I do not understand it myself.
I think I'm scared. I think I'm afraid? Maybe I'm nervous?
No, I don't think it's nervous that I feel.

I'm confused.

I tried to explain my mixed emotions to someone, and I was told.....
have faith.

I do have faith. or so I thought I did.
I am placing trust that this cochlear implant will work for me or I would not have gone through with the surgical procedure. Isn't that faith?

I do not have hope. I'm not excited. I'm scared? nervous? anxious?

Can I not have faith AND have the mixed feelings too of the future outcome??

I don't know.

Apprehensive?

Maybe I'm apprehensive.

Appointments Changed!

2007-12-08T08:51:00.000-05:00

OMG!

HHI called. I was just notified that both of my appointments have changed!

The surgeon's appt to remove the stitches is still scheduled for December 13th but is now at 9am instead of 430pm so that the activation day could be rescheduled for the same day at 12Noon.

December 13th is the day!!

I'm so not ready for that! OMG! Mentally I prepared myself for December 20th for activation.
Now it's a week sooner. I had it all planned out in my head. I thought I still had time to think about it. Prepare for it. WOW!

Well no choice, I'm ready. Regardless that it is a week sooner, the outcome is not something I could prepare for anyways. I'm ready. oh boy! I'm really nervous now.

NOW get this.........The best part.............

December 13th is my daughter's birthday!

YES!! I AM READY!!

Dreaming.

2007-12-07T05:40:00.000-05:00

I had a dream last night.
Same dream. Again.

I heard my daughter singing.
The last time I heard my daughter's voice was when she was 7 years old.
I used to listen to her sing all the time.

She was singing Amazing Grace to me.

I miss that. Terribly.

Hope? nah.

2007-12-06T23:23:00.000-05:00

Surgeon will remove stitches on December 13th.

Activation will be on December 20th. This visit is where I receive my external part to allow processing of sounds. The processor is turned on. I do not know what will actually happen as to the hearing part.

I can not control the process of hearing.

I am expecting a continuous annoying beep beep beep beep beep sound for up to seven days until the brain wakes up and says.....incoming, we have signal! WAKE UP!! It's time to process the signal so the brain can tell her what she is hearing. That is IF the brain wakes up. IF!

It's been 15 years since I last heard any sound.

I'm getting a tad bit nervous. Activation day is two weeks away!

I do not want my hopes up. My hopes are up. I do not want that. I can not allow myself to be disappointed. Again. No hopes! No hopes! I do not have any hopes.

I'm just nervous.
Okay maybe just a tad bit of hope deep inside. There. Now let's change the topic. Bye.

Who is he?

2007-12-05T17:44:00.000-05:00

Rush Limbaugh?

I've never heard him. I have heard of his name.
Is this the same guy that an ex-coworker of mine told me about a long time ago??

Rush Limbaugh??
When talking to people about me and my CI, his name usually pops up.

OH! It's the same thing Rush Limbaugh had done. No biggie. It worked for him, it should work for you too.

Well, the Google queen in me struck again...........I wanted to know more about this Rush guy and his CI experience but most of all, is he the same as me? Does he have the same type of deafness.

This Google queen learned quite a bit about Rush Limbaugh. Wow!

Now I can respond if his name comes up again, especially if and when comparison is made.

Yes, Rush Limbaugh did have a cochlear implant.
Does he have the same type of hearing loss? NO
Do we share similar history? NOT EVEN CLOSE!
Do we have the same brand/model of cochlear implant? NO

Him and I are two different scenarios.

Do I hope to have the same hearing outcome as him? OF COURSE I DO.
Maybe that's what they meant.....they hope the same outcome for me too.

Cochlear Implant Explanation

2007-12-04T22:32:00.000-05:00

While sharing with people about my cochlear implant, some have heard of it but wanted to know more about the details and all. Of course, I was more then happy to share my own knowledge and my personal experience to date with the CI.

I also found a fact sheet to help explain the general CI process .......
if you are interested in reading it too, please click here.

And of course, there's always Google .........
a wonderful informative tool says the Queen.

GREAT!

2007-12-01T23:13:00.001-05:00

I can't help but think about Tony the Tiger when he roars GRRREAAAAT!
( I heard him back in my hearing aid days)
That is exactly how I felt all day today!
Today is my best day.
No pain. No aches. No itching. No groggy. NOTHING. I feel GRRREAAAAT!

I am pleased that I bounced back after only one week.

I am very appreciative of all the prayers and thoughts from such wonderful family, friends, and even those that only know of me. Thank you so much.

TGIF

2007-11-30T17:49:00.000-05:00

TGIF! ha ha ha.....
here I am singing TGIF and I've only been to work for 2 whole days!
Day at the office was all good.

I feel GREAT! still in pain just a tad, but I FEEL GREAT!
Vision back to normal. Throat isn't hurting.
Stitches starting to itch now; healing sign.
I just feel great!

Rushed home afterwards, to get ready for a hot dinner date with my boyfriend.
We talking dress, heels and even pantyhose! yeah! the whole nine yards.
Him in a suit with his shirt TUCKED IN! oh yeah.
One of those once a year fine dining! :)

yeah, I say WOW! I'm glad it is Friday!

My date is here. Gotta go! Bye.

I'm Back!

2007-11-29T21:02:00.000-05:00

Well let me tell ya!
It shure does feel gooood to be back!
That is back to my ole routine.
Back to work and all.
Work was great. Co-workers were happy to see me.

I am now a functioning member of the general working society.
A tad bit dopey still, but nevertheless, functioning!

It was sweeter to come home and sit down with hubby for dinner after a "hard day" at the office. (wink wink)

Half of Head of Hair.

2007-11-28T20:05:00.000-05:00

Anyone that has ever washed the hair on one side only of their head will agree, that is one weird feeling!

It's like brushing your top teeth but not your bottom teeth!

Just Plum Weird!

Now my hair is clean and I'm ready to go back to work.

I've not had any meds for over 24 hours.
I do have pain but I can deal with it.
I do have blurry vision but I don't need to see to drive.
My car knows the way to work.
I'm ready.
I will take it easy and not do anything silly to hurt me or my ears.
If I sneeze, I will sneeze with my mouth open.
I wont blow my nose. Just wipe.
I wont run with scissors.
I will be alright.
I'm going back to work tomorrow! YAY!

Field Trip!

2007-11-28T12:57:00.000-05:00

I got to ride in the car to town!

YAHOOOO!

I waited in the car, while hubby ran in to pick up our carry out.

It was a total of 15 minutes of being out of the house!

I didn't get car sick.

I enjoyed the field trip very much.

YAHOOOO!

I'm ready to go back to work now..... LAUGHING

Pain Pills....GONE!

2007-11-27T23:42:00.000-05:00

I stopped taking my pain pills. Again.

This is the third time I am trying to stop taking those Vicodins.

Last pill 930pm today.

I've heard too many stories of being addicted to pain pills.

Wow! The pain. It is worse than I thought!

Funny how you think you have NO PAIN.

But it's actually being masked.

I hope to succeed this time.

I hate the groggy.

I want to go back to work.

I want to go back to my daily routine.

Unilateral!

2007-11-26T15:39:00.000-05:00

Oh my goodness!

I am so glad that I did not get the bilateral. The unilateral is enough for one person to go through. Whew.

I am aware that uncommon as it is, there have been few that were able to get both ears done in the same operation. Praises to them!

I may or may not go back for my other ear. We will see.

.....let's get this one all done first.

Wrap Free

2007-11-25T06:52:00.000-05:00

Today is the day that my head bandage comes off! I can not wait.

I think that most of my pain I am having is from this tight head wrap. I'm having headaches across my forehead. It's almost like a towel wrapped around your head after you washed your hair, except this is much more tighter and it stays on!

My ear canal itches deep inside too. Driving me silly. I can't touch anything and it seems to itch even more since it's off limits.

I was told from the people at the hospital that I am the only patient that they have ever heard of complaining about the canal itch.......(naturally it would be me!)

Oh well, Today will be a good day for me!

Pictures will be coming soon.

Up and Down, Up and Down.....Bored!

2007-11-23T04:03:00.000-05:00

I'm bored! I tried to talk my husband in taking me on a field trip to DQ for an ice cream cone.

I really do not want the ice cream, I just want to get out of the house. I'm bored.

Nurse Robby said NO. I do not need to be outside in the cold air.

I really do not feel bad except for pain around the ear and a groggy/hazy feeling from the meds.

I go to bed to sleep and end up waking up 2 hours later.

I get up out of bed, go sit on the couch and then I start dozing off again.

I then leave the couch and go back to bed, sleep for 2 hours.

Then up again for an hour. Sleep for two. Up for one. Sleep for two. Up for one.

I can't get comfortable with this head wrap and the pain. I'm tired. I'm bored.

I just wish I can sleep a full 8 hours solid.

Turkey Day

2007-11-22T20:32:00.000-05:00

Although I was groggy from all the meds, I was still able to enjoy a wonderful Thanksgiving meal prepared by Chef Robby. The meal was blessed by my mom. Wonderful prayer.
I had a hearty appetite and not once did I get sick! It all tasted so yummy.
Yummy for the tummy!
Even Paula Deen would have been impressed : )

Overall, I do not feel bad at all. All I'm feeling is a strong pain around my ear and a groggy mind.
It seems the pain gets worse right before time to take another pill. The groggy stays always.

I'm taking seven different meds. My dear nurse writes it all down and keeps a track of it all!

I did have one small nosebleed that seems to have been a side effect to one of the medicines. Nurse Rob wrote that down too and is keeping watch on it. If it happens again, he's calling the doctor as a precautionary measure.

I had three dizzy episodes today while trying to get up once to go the bathroom.
My chaperon doesn't let me go traveling alone.

He's a great nurse. I know that I've not been a very easy to get along with patient and yet bless his heart he doesn't say a word.
He does whatever I say and need. He's a keeper nurse! : )

It's all good.

Kudos for the chef, chaperon and nurse Robby!

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

I'm going back to bed now to rest more. G'nite!

Surgery

2007-11-21T20:04:00.000-05:00

Day of surgery, I'm told all went well.

Everybody at Jewish were super and did a great job.

I remember getting ready in pre-op and laying on the table.
I was talking to my family members. My mom led us into a wonderful prayer together. We waited together for the surgeon. Then I was getting groggy because the nurse injected my IV with relaxing stuff. I started drifting off.

The last thing I remember was when that clear mask with white trim was coming down toward my mouth and nose area. I went out! Lights off!

Then later that same day I woke up in my bed at home.

What a trip!

Surgery Day!

2007-11-21T03:46:00.000-05:00

It's here and I am so ready too.

Sharing My News

2007-11-19T18:16:00.000-05:00

Fully armed with info., I am now ready to share my news with family and friends.

I shared. Word got out.

I've worked on this blog to try to help those that might want to know why I'm deaf to begin with and to have a tool to disseminate information about me and cochlear implant in general. I will be updating the journal to the best of my ability as we travel this journey to the hearing world.

I just hope that all understand the reasoning for me not sharing before now was because I needed the time to learn, decide and digest. Now I'm so ready.

My husband helped me with getting it out there to our family and friends. I am so fortunate to have such wonderful friends and great family members. Awesome bunch I say!

I am also surprised at the love and support from people that I do not even know but yet they know of me from another friend of a friend or a family member. Wow!
Stranger, I'm glad we share the same awesome friend.
Thank you for your support too.

Lots of Love to all.

Two Weeks Away......

2007-11-12T23:39:00.000-05:00

OMG!!
I just had the most awesome weekend....well actually the last 5 days were just absolutely crazy! Very busy. Very very fast paced.

On November 8th, as scheduled I went in to see Dr. Mark for my pre-op appointment. He gave me special instructions as to what I can and can not do from now until surgery. Robin the assistant, advised that my Insurance plan denied bilateral. Unilateral implant is set to go as scheduled for November 21st. Surgery paperwork signed and ready for Dr. Mark to do the procedure.
Post-op appointment scheduled for December 10th. That is 3 weeks after the surgery.
At this appointment, Dr. Mark will determine if I am ready and healed enough for activation at Heuser Hearing Institute (HHI).

November 9th, I went to work but left early. I really really wanted bilateral and the insurance company only approved unilateral. I came home ready to fight the insurance company. I fought. I fought more. I lost. That's okay. I'm okay with unilateral. I can go back for the other ear in 6 months if I choose to do so and the insurance company will approve. Let's do the one ear now and if it works then I will see about the second ear later. Not going to think about the later until later. Moving on.

November 10th, I met a guy named Doug. Him and his wife, Tina agreed to meet me and Robby for lunch. This was one awesome meet! Doug is deaf. He received a cochlear implant four years ago. I knew he was deaf and a CI recipient before I met him. This meet was arranged through HHI. What I did not know was that I went to high school with Doug. I did not know back then that Doug was deaf and he didn't know that about me either. We were amazed as to how well we "fooled" people.
Doug has such a success story. He is simply amazing! He has one implant and chooses not to go back for the second implant. He explained why and I totally understand his reasoning. I will say in my opinion that I think he would rather hear an ant scratch his butt with one ear then to hear with a surround sound system at a normal volume. I think he really likes that scratching sound! Just my thoughts. :)
Just so happens, my surgeon did his surgery too. The brand of implant is the same. The hospital is the same. We both knew of the same people at HHI. He knew everything I was about to go through. We both know that I might not have the same end results as him. We are two different people with two different histories and two different bodies that will or may respond differently. I can not expect the same results.
I am so thrilled for him and his success. Doug said it best and I will never forget this.....
Prepare for the best, Expect the worse. That's so perfect! I've heard that before but until now I didn't pay much attention. That's my line now. Thank you Doug.
This first visit was simply amazing. Robby and I are looking forward to visiting with him and his wife, Tina again. Robby and Tina being the hearing spouses of a deaf person, I think were able to gain a lot from this visit as well. We all laughed so hard, had a tear or two, laughed more as we shared stories and learned. The time went by so quickly. We will meet again.

November 11th, I stayed home and blogged away. I really want to get this blogging thing up to date so I can share with all my friends and my family. I typed away and typed more! It does get easier. And its therapeutic too I am finding out. WOW.

November 12th, I went to Heuser Hearing Institute to meet with Mary. She will be in the operating room with Dr. Mark toward the end of my operation. Mary will actually test the implanted device before I am stapled closed. She has me scheduled for activation on December 20th provided that Dr. Mark gives the thumbs up on the 10th. This is not a guaranteed date for activation. Dr. Mark has the say so as to when its a go. I have to be completely healed and he has to be certain that the implant will not pop out when the exterior magnet part is placed on my head. Mary is ready and on standby. I asked her about the holiday work hours. She said it does not matter. She will be waiting for Dr. Mark's phone call and she is so ready.
She is also very excited. She started telling me how much I will hear and how soon.......
I stopped her. I don't want to hear or think about that part right now. Everything else I want to know but please, no predictions.

Decision Made.

2007-11-07T05:46:00.000-05:00

After much thoughts. day and night. over and over.

In August 2007.

My decision was made.

I'm going forward with the cochlear implant. BILATERAL even.

I shared my decision with my husband, mom and daughter.
They are very supportive.

Time to call Dr. Mark and make another appointment with him.
He will advise me as to what steps to take now.
And I have questions for him.

No matter the answers, my decision remains the same.

Dr. Mark patiently answers each and every question.
A very productive visit.
I'm referred to HHI for an evaluation.
Orders written for me to have a CT scan of the head.

All this will confirm that I am in fact a candidate for the cochlear implant for insurance purposes.

All the test results come back. I am a candidate!
Now it's time to work on the insurance company!

Google Queen.

2007-11-06T04:40:00.000-05:00

I'm like a sponge..........

I researched. Go online. Printed info docs. Visited websites. Chatted with CI recipients. Met with a deaf person that I know to find out why she was so against cochlear implants. Read forums. Went to the library. Visited the Deaf Oral School to get CI materials.

I wanted to know ALL the pros and cons of cochlear implants.
I needed to know.

Now, I've not only re-educated myself to the CI process but I am also up to date with the latest information.

A lot has happened in the last 15 years, especially in the last 5 years!

WOW!

There are 3 people I need to talk to still before I make my decision.
This is a scary decision to make. A major decision.
I really want their input. I need their input.
Not their approval, just their feedback.
These 3 people are important to me. very.
My mom, my daughter and my husband.

Second Opinion.

2007-11-05T05:02:00.000-05:00

Two weeks later, I visit the Dr. Mark that I was referred to by the first doctor.

I've already done my extensive research on Dr. Mark. (I am not called the "Google Queen" for nothing!) Wow! I am impressed. He is very much respected in his field. Takes a lot to impress me when it comes to ENTs. I've seen 'em all and know most of them or at least know about them anyways. I've never seen Dr. Mark and he does not know me or my situation.

Now it's time. Let's go check Dr. Mark out in person. I will see him and see what he tells me about not being able to wear hearing aids and I will even keep an open mind on the cochlear implant idea. I will try. Let's just see what he says.

After the evaluation, he confirms that hearing aids will not work. He explains the cochlear implant process.

I listen.

When it's my turn to talk, I explained to him that I've always been so adamant about not having the cochlear implant because of the severe limitations. Why go through all that destroying the ear, spending the money and have the ability to hear three types of noises.
i.e. dog bark, car horn, fire alarm.

Even though I am adjusting to the fact that I can't wear aids, I just don't know for certain that I want the implant.

During the course of our visit, I find out that cochlear implants is nothing like what it used to be 15 years ago or as limited as to what I think it is today.

I then left his office with the total understanding and agreement that IF I want to pursue this process, I will call back and he can advise what I need to do. He's totally understanding and very respectful of my decision (or rather uncertainity I should say).

This Google Queen goes home and starts her research.

April 2007.

2007-11-04T04:52:00.000-05:00

It's time to hear again. Yes, I know, I can hear and some people forgets that I am even deaf.

It's because I can lip read. I'm good at fooling people. I can talk. I can respond to their questions. I totally understand when my friends and even my family forgets that I can not hear. I'm tired though. Lip reading is very stressful. Takes a lot of concentration.

I want to hear again. I missed hearing my daughter's high school graduation. A nice lady that was an oral interpreter accompany me so that I could lip read her during my daughter's graduation ceremony.

I have to hear again before May 2008. My daughter graduates from college and I WILL hear this time! I want to hear my daughter's name. I want to hear my daughter!

May will be here before I know it! If only I knew what to do. I can start with any doctor that I know about because of his reputation in the field of deafness. One that doesn't know me. I will start fresh. See what he/she says.

April 2007.

I visit a specialist in Ear, Nose and Throat (ENT). He's going to tell me what I have to do to be able to wear my hearing aids again. Several tests and two hours later, Doctor slaps me with reality. Huge dose of reality!

I will NEVER ever be able to wear hearing aids again. Never.

I cried.

I am told for the third time in 15 years, I appear to be an ideal candidate for a cochlear implant. He referred me to another ENT that is also a very highly respected surgeon that performs cochlear implants. I left.

On the way to the car....millions of thoughts firing rapidly in my head.....
cochlear implant is totally out of the question, i don't want to hear 3 noises, i have to hear everything, maybe this doctor is like one my mom dealt with years ago, i know i can hear with hearing aids again, i don't want pity, i just want to hear with hearing aids, i cant believe he just told me to get over it! hearing aids are over!, maybe i am in denial, maybe cochlear implant, no no no no..........

In the car, I bawled.

Silence!

2007-11-03T06:59:00.000-04:00

Silence. 15 years later. Still Silence.

First 7 years, I tried everything. Anything. I wanted to hear.
Not just lip read.
Hear!

Went to an allergist. Allergy test performed on my back and arms. All those needle sticks. He put me on allergy shots. twice a week. I hate needles! But if this is what it takes to hear again then I can handle the needles. Just clear the allergies so I can hear again.

I would put my hearing aids on to see if I could hear yet.
YES! I could hear something. a sound. barely.
Ten minutes later, I'm vomiting. The sound is gone.
I would try the hearing aids again about a week later.....same ritual.
try again another week.......same ritual.
I just need to keep getting my allergy shots. My hearing will come back, one day.

During that same time, I went to several hearing aid places, seen more specialists, contacted deaf and hard of hearing foundations, visited deaf organizations, had audiograms done, did a lot of research, watched documentaries, read about deafness and more research ........ trying to find answers.

I need answers.

Why am I deaf and can not wear hearing aids anymore?

Frustrated.

Next thing I know, it's 15 years later.

15 years of silence.

Baffled.

2007-11-02T21:29:00.000-04:00

Twenty years later.....

Standing in front of the copier at work.

Click.

Hearing aids off.

Silence.

What's wrong with my hearing aids now?

I changed the battery. Checked the tubes. Cleared the ear molds.

Silence still.

I left work early so that I can go get my hearing aids checked out.

It would be a simple fix.

After several tests, it is determined that my hearing aids work fine. There is nothing wrong with them. It must be my ears.

I can not go without hearing! I have to get my ears fixed. Although I can lip read, its so much easier to hear. Lip reading is very tiring and I don't always catch everything.

I visited numerous specialists to diagnose my situation.
Got to fix it.
I even traveled out of state. Distance did not matter.

No one can tell me why. Why? In a flash of a second, my hearing stopped!

No one knows. No one understands. Not even the specialists.
I wasn't sick. I didn't have a head cold. My nose wasn't stuffy. My ears didn't pop or feel like pressure or ear aches. No one can tell me what happened. No one can explain to me.

Baffled.

One doctor said it was probably nerves. stress. allergies.

Another doctor said he thought it was too much salt in my diet.
(I've never been a salt eater)

Another doctor said, Just be glad that I could hear for 20 years.
WHAT!? what did he just say? JUST BE GLAD..........
I was about to clock him right there but my diddy pulled me back!
I was pissed.

Another doctor said, why don't you just get a cochlear implant. it would help. I wouldn't be able to hear people talk. I would only hear a dog bark, a car horn and maybe a doorbell.
At least I would know that there was a noise......somewhere. SOMEWHERE?!
The only thing......cochlear implants are irreversible.
You can not ever go back to hearing aids.

NO WAY I SAID! ABSOLUTELY NOT! I will hear with hearing aids again! I WILL!

I want all of my sounds, not just three noises.

Hearing World.

2007-11-01T05:15:00.000-04:00

I had to learn sounds. It would not be easy. It did not happen overnight.
A major adjustment.
Endure test after test. Therapy after another therapy. Sounds. Speech.

What was once silence was now always so noisy. Too much noise.
Headaches. Dizzy. Ear sores. Very tired. Too much work.
I wanted to go back to silence. So simple. Much easier.

But I couldn't. Mom wouldn't let me. I shouldn't.

I would never function in the hearing world and be a member of the general society if I didn't push and try harder. I have to learn to hear. One day I was going to have to be one self sufficient individual. No one else could do it for me. I had to. Mom said so.

As time went on, I learned sounds. My hearing grew. My speech improved.

I was mainstreamed into the hearing world.
As for my education, I went to regular schools. Took advanced classes.
I even graduated from high school after 11 years with a 4.0 GPA and numerous honors.

I went on to become the self sufficient adult that could hear and talk.

Some said I was an overachiever. I don't know.

I could hear now.

I LOVE IT! The world is a beautiful sound. I am so happy. I am glad that my mother pushed me. I would do the exact same thing if I was in her shoes. Yes I would.

My First Sound.

2007-10-31T05:42:00.000-04:00

I was seven years old when I heard my first sound.

I was sitting in a chair, something big and heavy on both ears. Click. Click. The hearing aids were turned on and I think I heard the audiologists voice. Don't remember what he or she said to me. I don't remember that part. All I know is that I got my hearing aids sometime around my seventh birthday. It was the fall season of the year. Autumn.

The part that I do remember........and remember very vividly........

My mom took my hand and we walked down a hallway. It was time to leave. She opened a door, we stepped out onto a porch, looking out to a huge parking lot covered with lots of red, yellow and orange leaves. They were dancing crazy everywhere. Some were falling from the sky! The wind was so strong!
I stopped.
I was startled.
I looked up to my mom. I was very scared. Still holding my hand, my mom stooped down next to me and gave me one of her reassuring smiles. Her smile said that it was going to be okay. What is that noise? My own voice startled me. I searched her face for an answer. She pointed to those leaves dancing around the parking lot, then upward to the very tall trees. She explained, it's the leaves. See the wind. See the leaves. The leaves are making the noise. Yeah, I could see that those leaves were smacking against each other, twirling around in a circle and some were even falling from above. Lots of them!
I stood there.
What was always visual now had noises too.I stood there and watched. I listened. It was slowly coming together. The visuals. The sounds. I didn't fully understand. Yet.

Oh, how lucky I was to have my mommy to explain; to hold my hand; to work so hard with me.

I love you mom.

Talking before Hearing.

2007-10-30T05:19:00.000-04:00

At age three, it was official! I was really deaf. For sure!

My mom.
She worked and worked and worked so hard with me. Never gave up.
Odds were against her. Doctors told her, that baby will NEVER hear or talk.
You do not tell a mother that.
You do not tell MY mother that. You do not know my mother.
My mother was, and still is to this day, a very determined lady.
My mother will deliberately set out to prove you wrong, especially if it's her baby you are talking about.

Soon, she had me talking. not pointing. not signing. TALKING.

Yeah! Think about this now.

How hard is it to repeat a sound that you can not hear?

Well my mother had me doing it! I don't know how long it took her or how many hours she spent with me. I can say it wasn't easy. It wasn't fast. It took a lot of time and love.....along with patience.

I remember Mom and I sitting down and facing each other. She had a small mirror in her hand. Mom took my hand and held it to her throat. She would say a word. I would feel the vibrations coming from her throat area as I watched her lips moved. She would then move my hand to my own throat and hold it there. Mirror in front of my face. Mom pointed at her own lips and then mine. Somehow, I figured out that I had to make my lips move the same way and make the same vibrations all while watching the mirror and feeling my neck.

WOW!

Who told her to teach me that way?! Who?

Certainly was NOT the doctors!

Maybe no one told her. She just knew.

I was talking before I could even hear. TALKING.

My mom is one awesome lady.

Birth Defect

2007-10-29T20:19:00.000-04:00

I was born deaf because my mother had German measles also known as rubella during her first trimester of pregnancy. The doctor warned her that I would be born with a birth defect. It would be one or more of the following: blindness, deafness, missing limb(s) and/or cleft palate.

After numerous tests and several operations, it was finally determined that I was profound deaf.

I would never hear. Hearing Aids would never help. I would never speak. I was immediately labeled as a deaf mute.

Deaf? Mute? Deaf AND Mute?

I'm Blogging!

2007-10-28T20:06:00.000-04:00

Well let me start off at the beginning and explain something. I am not a blogger and I know that. Never thought I would ever blog! I'm not a writer. As a matter of fact, I am a lousy writer. I know that. My daughter is THE JOURNALIST in my family. But you know what? I am about to go through a major experience and I want to share that with my family and friends and even those people that I do not know. Anyone that wants to know. I've decided to blog it! Mistakes may be made, but the words will be put here so that I can share my thoughts and feelings. Let's start the journey!